why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
