I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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