Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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