So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
