Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
