Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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