I can text with my tongue
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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