Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize