So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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