are you still at the devil's house?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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