Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
