I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want to make out with him forever
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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