I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
