Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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