Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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