you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
