Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
