she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
