life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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