I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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