Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize