): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
