You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize