In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
