Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
