i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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