Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
