My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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