did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
