Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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