i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
