Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize