i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
