her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
