And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
