I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize