i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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