5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
