threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
