Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
