If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
