and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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