whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
