My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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