So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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