plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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