She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
