So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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