I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
