Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize