Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.