I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.