Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.