What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart