cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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