Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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