FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
