Buhtt sex?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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