If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
