I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
In America we eat man semen.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
