no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
