k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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