I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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