plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
