He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
