DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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