what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
