I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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