the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize