1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
