I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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