quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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