Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
