dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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