i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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