i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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