I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
