Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
