and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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