Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
