I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
